Shruthi woke up and did not even stir in her bed. She kept looking at the god picture next to her bed and knew the time was about ten minutes past six. She knew that she wont see her mothers shadow in the room as she has seen all her life praying to that god's picture before leaving the room for her daily chores.
Shruthi, pulled herself and went to take her shower and found her mom's toothbrush and soap still in its usual place in the bathroom, she could smell her mom and . The "manjal" which her mom used was lying on the floor and Shruthi felt it in its usual place.
Her dad was up and was waiting for the coffee which was served to him for the past 25 years right in his bed. She felt her dad was crying within himself.
The Suprabaratham which was usually heard was not being played in the player and Shruthi realised she missed her mom everywhere.
Dragging herself, she got ready and left for office without having breakfast or carrying lunch , she knew this was the first time she went without food in all these years. Leaving the compound she turned around wanting to see her mom in her usual red cotton sari waving bye to her, but left heavy hearted.
Coming back home after spending around 6 useless hours at office very hungry she saw the washed cloths being lined up for drying and instantly she searched for her mom's sari. It was her habit and burying her face in the sari which was hung for drying.
Walking inside the house, she saw her mom's footware in its usual place and her mom's picture in the hall with fresh garlands.
She broke into tears all over again.
She saw and missed her mom every where. Kitchen, Hall, Bathroom , Veranda and every single action she did at home bot Shruthi her mom's thoughts.
She no more heard the sound of her mom's bangles.
She no more had her mom to give her the hug.
She no more had her mom shouting asking her to get ready.
She knew her life will never be the same again.
PS1: this is my first try on short story!
PS2: Badri always complains that my posts are filled with surya! so i wanted to try something new , a non side of me - a senti post. i am not one of those sentimental -feelings-o-feelings gal. so chumma! no reason for this post.
24 comments:
hey raz....y this post? ... u r makin evry 1 sad i guess.... senti ya ezhuthanum na ..vera evlo topic iruku....mmmm...
Life has all aspects... so as ur blog :) I felt silent after reading the post....
hmm...as dakaltiz asked, why this post now?
Sema sentia irukku.. Ananda vikadanukku anuppina publish panna chance irukku..
Aana unakkum sentikkum than sambanthame illaye.. ethukku thideernu ippadi oru post.. ITHANALA NEE NAATTU MAKKALUKKU ENNA SOLLA VARRE?
..and then she woke up as her mom yelled at her "Shruthi mani 8'aachu iniku office polaya?"
Shruthi - I will put leave today, Shall we go somewhere out?
* Happy ending :)*
Yeppa yaarachum ithula story yenga irruku-nu yennaku konjam sollungappa :O . I searched its more of an senti-article ( or flow of incidents) with fictious chars..
Don't try short stories in the styles of Asokamithran or Sundara ramaswamy (unless your aim is not Saakithya Academy Award). Rather bring some life to it by adding active voice.
Sorry to say.. unnaku senti othuvaralla, try some comedy subject.. unna pathi yezhuthallame :P
yein yein..yethuku unakku intha veen vilayattu?? y taking risk machi... y dont u continue with ur hot romantic poems or try out some humour
this.. this.. is exactly what i m afraid of! :)
i second ajju ;)..edho irukka varaikkum namma usual stylea jollya irudhuttu polame ;)
addiye..first time oru story ezhudhra..konjum ellariyum sirikka vechi irrukalam illa...grrrr
but it was very touchy and nicely written...high five..
emotional stories wont become emotional if the right words r not used in the right place...ur too good in it...keep it going...;)
Hai Thamizhachi...Hariharan here..
A very good attempt in short story. This again proves my usual arguement, a literary character is present within every individual in a subdued form. Its just a matter of relaxed time and thoughtlessness required to dig it out.
Well, coming back to the story, the theme was good. however, the crux of the story ie the mother is no more is understood within first few lines itself. I think there are two broad ways to lead a short story. 1. to move on smoothly and end up suddenly with a little punch. (TV paathunde irukkum podu "poi padi da" light thel kottara maadiri oru killu thatha thara maadiri). The second style is the story is almost understood, but the success is with the way it is narrated and how it is connected.
I felt that you could have postponed the surprise towards the end. i got the climax the moment u said appa is waiting for coffee.
In ur story, besides, some more description with some more attention to details could have added some flavour.
I dont write well, but to find fault with others writing is one of the easiest job in world :). I expect your next story soon. Keep writing. Thats the one and only way to write well.
very very touchy..
inna shruthi inglipis ponnu madhiri irukka? Something very raaang! :D
anyway, very good short story. Hope u continue writing. :)
@dakalz: i replied to ur question in the post itself :D after u asked me. PS check pannu
@rajking: very true. life is all abt everything
@raj: unnakum athu than
@ragu: nan "nonnum" solla varala... i was trying my ability on story writing.
@badri: kandipa.. if i ever try story again... i wil give it a happy ending. n yeah welcome back >:D<
@ajju: inga vanthu manatha vangitele. stupid
@gundumama: thnks machi.. i totally get ur point of view. ini i wil try to "pollow" it. thnks to ve spent time and give ur comments.
@swas: i know :(
@ocean: seri di. thu, url mathitu link kuda katha dog ellam pesave kudathu
@kavi: illa machi konjam senti try pannalamnu :) he he. work out agala... n thnks atondi
@hari: kandipa i wil go thro urs , thnks a lot for visiting
@brute: thnks sir
@karthik: thambi.. vanga... raang than! :) ini right panniduren and danks :D
i raz.i would like to know about you.i need your help..can you help me? if you willing to hel me please do send email to this address..mceric_rugan@hotmail.com
Thank you
You have the knack definitely - but I always prefer short stories with a twist..... perhaps check this out - its personal favorite - http://thisdaythisage.blogspot.com/2007/10/takkunu-oru-tale-1.html
This is not a short story. But definitely u have the potential to be a short story writer. Ask a question like, What if u miss the bus to collegew or ur vehicle broke down on the way to college and the boy whose name u know offers u a lift? something like that. After all a short story is not a mega serial loaded with tear gas bullets. Hope u will attempt once more. All the best.
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